##$$%^$^%&^%&%$^@!! I was having such a positive, productive weekend and then I go and forget my discussion board post for Chinese Film. DAMN DAMN DAMN! I'm so tired of all this bullshit, I'm better than this!

*FUMES*

...I'm gonna go play some video game to chill out.

Single again. Not sure if I like it or not.

Made myself rather proud today. I worked on my Chinese assignment a full 24 hours before it was due. I'm not joking, that's really good for me. Chinese test coming up this Wednesday, here's to me studying Monday and Tuesday for it.

I've been really getting into techno/trip hop music lately. I dig it, yo.

Well I ever be able to move on? I can/have pushed these emotions under countless rugs to no avail. They're bound to resurface and I feel like I'm betraying myself by not acting on them. I should just do it, no? I saw her a couple weeks ago, I came close to then. So close.

I turn twenty-one in six weeks. I must say I'm actually looking forward to it, as I've turned into quite the beer fan. I may be an atypical guy in a bunch of ways, but I do indeed share the love of watching sports while accompanied by a cold one.

Richie Havens has such a potent voice...

Someone, shake this shit up!

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream, and not make dreams your master;
If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, and, which is more, you'll be a Man my son.

-Rudyard Kipling's "If"

Woo-hoo! I am moved into my Tallahassee apartment. Very good deal and very nice place. Rooming with a good friend of mine, yet we're already having issues. That's to be expected I suppose. Loneliness is killing me though.

Searching for a job, not just for the money but also to get me some damn interaction. I took living on campus for granted in that respect. Well, it is summer too, but still. Classes start in late June, so I gotta last til then.

I hate feeling this way.

I love my friends, I'm sorry a thousand times if I ever act like I don't need you. I'm not as damn independent as I let on. I need to get over this shit that I feel like I have to prove to myself. Sometimes Most of the time I need help and I don't ask for it and I drown cause of it.

And thank you family, love you guys too. My mother's constant worry, my stepfather's good example, my sister being herself and my dad's...well, he's getting better.

LOVE LOVE LOVE ALL AROUND, TRALALALALA 

Okay, I'll keep this short because I'm super tired. I finally saw the Swedish film Lat den ratte komma in (Let the right one in) tonight at the FSU SLC (free movies for students!). I've been following this movie since the day the trailer came out, about a year and a half ago. It was released sometime in late October '08 but it being a foreign flick I could find no showings anywhere in the state of Florida. Luckily, this movie received unprecedented marks and ratings across the globe, so its polish got it noticed by our SLC and was subsequently added to its spring '09 lineup.

Anyway, the quest to see the actual movie aside, its time to get down to the movie itself. I cannot even begin to address how much I enjoyed the film. A brief overview: it is a story about a 12-year old boy named Oskar and a 12-year old girl? named Eli trying to love and survive in a harsh world (figuratively and literally). The setting is a suburb of Stockholm, Sweden and oh, by the way, Eli is a vampire.

I'm not gonna say more than that on the actual plot, but NO this is the fartherest you could ever get from a Twilight-version of vampire. Eli is the real deal, and let's just say the film doesn't let certain widespread social taboos get in its way. That brings me to a highlight of the film for me: It strikes a raw chord very rarely tapped into, using a mixture of innocence and violence to obtain a unique type of reality. Not just for a vampire film either; in fact, the film elicits far more emotional responses than 90% of non-fantasy works today. It speaks to you in a base, almost instinctual way.

Oh, and I will admit that the fact I am not only a big vampire fan, but also a hopeless romantic, so not sure if that skews the deal.The romance was beautiful, and a ton of the credit goes to the superb acting of the two 12-year olds. The writing and cinematography are two other powerful aspects of the film, completely immersed in the overall narrative like a seamless addition to an already well-oiled machine.

I will reluctantly stop here, I'm sleepy. Tomorrow I'm ordering that film, I hope it's out by now. I loved it so, please if you can, go see it!

Man, its been an insane past three weeks. First it was nice with spring break, for which my family from Boston came down. Tons of family time, very nice, relaxing break. And then...hell breaks loose.

I return to college from break, and I realize I did ZERO ZERRROOOOO homework, studying, etc over the break, so I was quite behind. Oh and then I actually take a gander at my schedule and see that I have 1000000000000000 things (really just two essays and two tests) due that week after break. AND THEN, I have to get this apartment lease completed and signed by the end of that same week. AND THEN, I have to register for classes by end of the week. AND THEN, I get the frakking flu.

Anyway, I not only survive this gauntlet, I came out pretty damn well. I complete my 3 essays and 3 tests (no, not all that week, spread out between two weeks) and only bombed one of the tests. I completed my lease, got it signed, and moving in May 1st, so staying up here at FSU over the summer and taking classes. I registered for most of my classes except classes for my major, which were full. That's fine however, I just need to e-mail the profs saying I'm a major and they'll let me in (it's happened before and it's worked everytime). Oh yeah, and I somehow make it through it all with the flu, just was shitty. Frances was a sweetheart though, she got me soup, constantly snuggled with me, and put up with my complaining, which I LOVE to do when I'm sick and there is someone to listen, for some reason. She thought it was cute, so whatever. Enough of me though.

BTW. Slumdog Millionaire was a very, VERY great movie, and I would say deserving of the oscar it won, but I frakking hate the oscars, so fuck that. Nevertheless, it was awesome, especially the soundtrack. Also, major, MAJOR props to Under the Same Moon, a Mexican film that blew me away, such a reviting story, superb acting, and beautiful cinematography.

<3 you elijay
-Michael 

So, the economy is bad, we all know this. Florida State, among many other educational institutions, are taking needed budget cuts. However, rumors are the majors that are likely to be either slashed or altogether dissolved are the humanities and languages, particularly Chinese and Arabic. Here is a prime example of why Americans are so universally branded ignorant about our surroundings and the world we live in. Instead we rather worry about keep up scientifically and mathematically with the Indias and Chinas of the world so we can fulfill some statistic. Our world is entirely too quantitative, so obsessed with numbers rather than the qualitative. We need to embrace the hows and whys of our existence rather than continuing to beat the whats/whens/wheres/whos over and over. This basic inherent quality of our world is the core of our problems, I'm convinced. I am also convinced that I will tackle this issue for the rest of my life, and hope to contribute in small part to a solution, or better yet, an understanding.

Because it is with understanding that solution and answers stem from. It is with understanding that we can move forward and discover the wonders of our world together.

Hey LJ! Long time once again since my last public post. I just spoke to my mirror in my room for a good ten minutes. A monologue of sorts. I feel like it helped a bunch...interesting.

And seriously, just for the record, there is more to life than adhering to the so-called status quo. I'm entirely too hard on myself when I get a C on a test, when I procrastinate, or when I make a silly mistake. Live for yourself, live by your set of rules. Screw the "system," whatever the hell that even is anymore.

Love. Love unconditionally. Be happy. Enjoy life. Make life. Cherish life. Be positive. Optimism is only dead if you let it be.

I missed you LJ.

Love,
Michael

^dream chick, for sure.

Anyways, back in college. I didn't visit lj over the summer cause it was horribly dull. I'm gonna put it behind me in fact. College however is hot shit, loving up here again. Fun Labor day weekend, badass classes too! Here they are for your viewing pleasure:

Integrated Chinese 1
History of 19th century Russia
Macroeconomics
Existentialism

Thats Fall semester, stay tuned for next semester's fun!

holla at your boy, miss you peoples.

Home from my first year of college. Nice to see family and certain friends. Just started work up again, a lot of the same fun people I missed, they will make summer interesting. Other than that I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and less and less sleep. More on my soul will come in the following week or so once it all gets shook out.

In the meantime, hey hey ^_^